I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
