Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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