I cockslap morals
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
