No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
