Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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