Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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