The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
