I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
