i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I would fuck him just for his dog
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
