When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
