Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
