So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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