I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
