I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
