My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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