Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize