My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Im part way to drunk.
I believe in your delicious
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
