You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
