so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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