We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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