Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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