I think I died a long time ago.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
3 2 1 whiskey
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