that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
