Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
