Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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