the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
