At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Be still, my beating vagina.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
