mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
