So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
