you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
