don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
