true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
