There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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