I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think I sprained my soul last night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
