Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
