We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
