Your mouth is God's brothel.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
