a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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