I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
