Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You don't make any sense
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