There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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