WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
and she was petting her beer can
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
