so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
