I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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