so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
