so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
