Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
