dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
