dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We need to get me chipped asap
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
