for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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