I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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