My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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