i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
