Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
