i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
