It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The power of my boobs compel you
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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