Sry I called you an 8
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
one might say we're banned from that church
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
