ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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