her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
