I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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