just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
