I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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