I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
