woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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