then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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