No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
