fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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